Longing for Spring

It's been such a long winter. It's been really cold. Really snowy. Really wet. Really L-O-N-G! It's the kind of winter that makes me seriously wonder WHY I choose to live in Ohio?! And, because it's Ohio we have those crazy days of high 60's and then the next day feet of snow. Yep, crazy weather. The calendar says it's spring now. The sun is shining more. The days are longer (thanks in part to the time change!). The ground is starting to thaw and be muddy. The birds are chirping. The landscape is starting to come to life again.
I can relate to the way the landscape feels this time. It's a seasonal process here in the elements of weather...and my heart. It's been a long winter beginning in late October and early November when we began to realize that my Grandma was not going to get better, but it was a sweet, snuggle-by-the -fire-with-a-cozy-blanket-beginning of winter. Times of giggles, and joy and her gentle scolding about "her crazy girls" and then her leaving us and the sweet times of remembering Grandma and enjoying the precious family she helped to build and gather. Then it got colder as it became apparent that we were going to lose my Gram--colder with days of interspersed sunshine when we were determined to savor every minute with her because we knew it wasn't going to be long. There were times of great joy for us. Hearing her tell stories about her life in retrospect. Stories of her. Stories that made her who she is. Long talks. Comfort. Then the deep cold of the winter set in with the death of Gram and the implosion of a family. A family splintered by something that is unidentifiable although fingers point. Acccusations. Lies. Sadness. Deep hurts. Gray days of dark, damp, endless, cold. Grandpa--gone to the other side of the country. The hurt of his leaving physically after he's been leaving us mentally for so long. Then silence. Nothing. After all those months of activity and flourish of "getting it accomplished" exhaustion--it was suddenly over and it was so still. Realizing we'd done what we were supposed to do and were now finished. Now what? The questions of what next? How do you begin the thaw of going on? Slowly, slowly the sun continued it's persistent shine and the perpetual motion of the seasons has continued to progress...to today. Today as unexplainable and unplanned as it is predictable, it's beginning to feel like spring. It smells like spring. There is laughter again. The tears are still often but not as pain-filled as before. The small stirrings of healing are happening...phone calls, checking in...the thaw of the frozen. It's a time of inward, invisible-to-the-outside-change... where you are being prepared to burst forth in the glory of the sun --revived, full of life again. Where you realize how deadening the winter has been and how ready you are to enjoy being fully alive again. It's hope. Hope that you won't continue to be where you have been and that you are making progress in your journey. And muddy--ooey, gooey sticky stuff, stuff that is hard to walk through without taking it with you. Stuff that as you walk through it feels like it might swallow you up. Heavy stepping stuff. But at the same time, it's getting you closer to solid ground again as the sun bakes on. The ground gets a little firmer each day. The grass gets a little greener with each minute. The flowers and the trees begin to bud. And it's finally spring. Yeah, it's painful. Yeah, you can learn a lot if you choose. Yeah, you're different because of the winter you've endured--you've got scars. But spring is about restoration. About being right in the thick of things again and shining--you've survived the winter and it's time to enjoy the green of life again.