Family Dance

This weekend we celebrated the 4th Holiday weekend with the annual Hicks Family Campout at Grandpa and Grandma's Pond. The Aunts and Uncles got together a few weeks ago and decided to make the gathering more exciting by adding a DJ on Friday night. It was definitely a moment in time....

Family Games: Musical Chairs

with a family representative from each family.

Aidan was chosen to represent the entire Hicks Clan!

He did us proud!

His muscle pose before--his physique was definitely a plus!

The winning sit! He did it! He did it!

The train, always a hit--even still during the first family dance!

Chasity learned "to dip" with her favorite dancing partner! What form!

Grandpa and Grandma sat back "enjoying"

Another family contest: "The Twist Off"

Brennan kept the title in the family--so exciting!

Rachel and her cousins taught Shawn and Uncle Dan

how to do the electric slide

The evening culminated with a family dance

--with Grandpa and Grandma in the middle

Yea! What a fun evening for a bunch of Hicks who can't dance!

Underneath

Saturday night My Prince took ALL of our children AND the neighbor boy to the race to see our good friend race his truck. It was a night off for me. So sweet of him to do that...and the best part? It only cost $5 for ALL of them to go (well, plus a tank of gas AND some snacks AND a lot of patience on his part!)...but still!

So, while the children and My Prince were away.....

I had ANOTHER girls night (two in a row!) with my friend, my mom and my youngest sister. We watched two chick flicks and chatted. It was relaxing. Lots of laughter, etc.

During the movie my cell phone rang and I hesitated to answer it. Well. I didn't recognize the number so I answered it and it was Chasity's grandma calling to tell me that Telma is very sick in the hospital again. I talked with her for about forty minutes on the phone and then prayed with her at length. It was a good chat. She shared with me that Telma had asked her not to call me but that she was sure that she was expecting to see Chasity on her Sunday visitation. Interesting?!

So, Sunday after church and a fun day at a friend's pool with some families from our church--we left the party and the three of us went to visit her mom at the hospital--which is about a 30 minute drive from here. Chasity fell asleep in the car and when we got there we had to wake her up. Think waking a slumbering bear and you get the idea what that was like. Uggh. We went into the hospital. Found her room. Put the isolation gown and gloves on and helped Chasity suit up too. We went in and there she was. Laying in the bed...not looking too good. She is "filled with infection" with an infection that she "picked up from the last hospital she stayed in" and her white counts are very high. She obviously wasn't feeling well....and Chasity was uncomfortable. She stared at the tv on the wall. Telma stared the other way as much as possible--avoiding any eye contact with Shawn and I. And we stared at her. It was a GREAT visit. She ate her dinner. We tried to make small talk, She told us that she expected to be in the hospital for about a month. According to her mom (Chasity's Grandma) it's not good. We left when Chasity said, "Can we please go now?" and prayed with her before we left. All in all it was a short visit.

For the past three days this kid has been a conflicted, emotional wreck. She's acting out again. We had a counseling appointment today and she threw a fit in front of the counselor (which I was a little relieved by so that at least she could see what we're dealing with). The counselor had us play a feelings board game and Chasity liked that. Then when it was time to go she threw a fit again. The counselor explained to her that anger is usually a sign that there are a whole bunch of other emotions underneath that are being covered up. She wasn't buying it. She kept saying things like, "Someone won't let me see my mom everyday when I want to see her and her name starts with and E and her name is Elisha" and then would give this look out of the side of her eyes. I wanted to burst into hysterical laughter but I had to practice self control. It was comical to me, but very serious to her. We went over our time limit and on the way out the door the counselor said, "Good luck this week, Elisha". Yeah, thanks. I'll need that, right?! :)

So underneath her anger she's hurting. She's feeling a whole bunch of other things. Ok, right. Underneath.

Moving Day

I moved out of my office today (many thanks to my prince for rescuing me and loading all my stuff!). I'm finished there for now. I'm hopeful that I'll get to teach there again this fall--even if it is just one class. I've been very blessed to be there for the past nearly 6 years--longer than anywhere I've EVER worked! :) It was home to me. Comfortable. Familiar. Fun. Challenging. Exciting. My ministry. I love working with college students. I love building relationships. I love sharing my life with them. I love being able to speak hope, encouragement and the importance and value they have.
Yesterday a dear student--and friend--said the sweetest things to me. She encouraged me to love on my family during the next month (at least) off and enjoy the time. She also paid me the best compliment. "I never thought that I would have a professor that would be so concerned about my life. I consider you to be a wonderful teacher and a great friend. Thank you." I was touched.

I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to anyone in my department today--only I'll see you in a few weeks. My Aunt has been my "boss" (though not technically :) )--the head of the department that I taught in for the past six years. From the outset we decided that we were family above anything else and that when the job ended (it was a grant based position and I always knew there would be an end) we still wanted to be related! :) It's been a joy to work with her day in and day out and ENJOY her. Be proud of her. Learn tremendously from her. Be challenged by her.

A favorite memory --I can still see my Grandma's (My aunts mom) smiling face looking back at me. She would come to pick up my little guys (they were 3 and 4!) from the childcare center next door and would stand in the glass of the door and smile until my students would say, "Ahem, Elisha, you're grandma is here". No matter what was happening. We all knew that on Tuesday's at 12:15 Grandma would be stopping in! I loved it! :)

I loved it!

Sacrifice

Yesterday Evan and I went to a garage sale while we were waiting for Aidan to be finished at tutoring. Evan has a pocketful of "chore cash" that he's been hanging on to to find a "remote control car" to buy. Well, at the garage sale he spotted a Hummer RC that was $5. He was giddy. He happily told the lady that he'd like to buy it and she was happy. All were happy.

Until her five year old weighed in.

"Mom, I don't want to sell it. I like it. I'll play with it every day."

Mom said, "No honey, we talked about this, you want to buy something else and you'll have to sell this in order to get your new toy."

Evan grabs my hand and looks with big eyes.

Unspoken tension abounds between the two little guys.

Then the situation escalates.

Little boy begins to wail, "I want to sell it to get something new but I want to keep it. I want to play with it everyday and I want to have it at my house."

I squeeze Evan's hand reassuringly and say,

"Evan, I think we need to let this little guy keep his Hummer and not buy it right now. He's having a hard time deciding if he really wants to sell it or not."

Expecting Evan to chime in, "ok, Mom" and we'd go--

I was shocked when he said, "But I really want it and he said he'd sell it by putting a price sticker on it." and he started to cry (not in character for him at all!).

Other mom spoke up and said,

"Now look, both of you are in tears. He's going to buy it and you're going to take the money and buy your new thing. You'll get over it, sweetie. We're not going to make someone else sad because you don't want to give up what you know you need to."

So it hits me on the way home thinking about the other little boy--what "things" am I hanging onto that I need to give up in order to get BETTER stuff? It's out there waiting for me, I just have to agree to give.

Wedding

Sarah and Josh got married last weekend. It was a beautiful day for a wedding. The place that they had the ceremony and reception was so pretty--green and lush. The kids loved the foot bridge. It was fun to be with family and cousins.

Cousining

Brennan with Grandpa Tony and Nana

Great Grandpa and Great Grandma

One big happy family in their wedding finest

The happy couple

The officiant--my prince

Uggh!

Father's day did not turn out to be a relaxing day in which we celebrated the great dads in our life...

We went to church and then to lunch with my parents and some friends at a new Mexican restaurant in town. Then after lunch my parents took the three boys swimming at my aunts house and My Prince and I took Chasity to her Sunday afternoon visit with mom.

That's where things went south.

We got there and chatted about two minutes and then her mom (laying on the couch not looking at anyone or anything) said aloud, "Oh, tomorrow my brother is going to to the courthouse to change the guardianship from you to him" and then she was quiet. I was stunned. I didn't speak. Chasity was practicing a song she'd written for her mom and I let her go while my brain was spinning trying to figure out what to do next. When Chasity's song was over I spoke up and said, "Um, do you think we should talk more about this? Why are you doing that? (trying to discreetly talk around Chasity who was in the middle of all) to which she yelled, "You are trying to keep her away from me and I don't like it. She needs to be with family. You don't let me call. You don't let me keep her overnight. It's not fair. I need to see her. My brother will do what I want. He's family and he'll let me see her whenever I want." Ok, so all discreetness is out the window. This is where My Prince says that my "inner Mother Bear came out". Oh my. For the next hour and a half we "talked". I was furious that she'd do this IN FRONT OF her child. This was clearly not about the care and well being of her child, but her own selfish desires and getting her way. I kept saying to her, "When you're a mom you want what is best for your child ABOVE your own wants and desires. You put your child first." Bottom line....she doesn't like it that she doesn't get her way and can't tell us what to do all the time. She doesn't like it that she's not calling all the shots. I told her that if she doesn't like it then she needs to get better so she can be in charge again (she's not following Dr.'s orders, doing what she needs to in order to get better). Shawn brought up a good point that seemed to hit home with her that she was acting like a school girl who'd not gotten her way in the game so she was going to take her ball and go home. Chasity cried. Left and went out to the car. Came back in and cried some more. It was horrible. Her grandma spoke up and said that she believed that we were doing a good thing and she considered us a huge blessing in Chasity's life and that she thought that removing her from our home was a mistake. (She also mentioned that she doubted that her son (the brother) would pass any background check or anything the court might need in order to place her elsewhere). Chasity's mom was quiet for a while and we just let Chasity talk. Then I said, "Ok, you need to tell us what you're going to do and Chasity needs to hear it from you. Right now she thinks that we're trying to keep her from you (because that's what she said). You tell her what you want her to think." She said, "Chasity I want you to stay with Shawn and Elisha until I can get better." We then talked about what has to happen for her to get better and what it will look like so Chasity will know when it's getting close. She said that she will be living on her own in her own place and will have her strength. Chasity and My Prince went out the door and I said to Telma and her mom, "I just want you to know that I will not ever have a conversation like this again in front of your child. If you try something like this again, Shawn and I will take Chasity and leave--your visit will be over. If you want to talk about something you call me and I'll come talk to you without Chasity. What you did today has added hurt and pain to a little girls life who doesn't need anymore hurt and pain. You say that I'm not thinking about your feelings and in part that is right...my primary concern is your child, her well being and her feelings." She nodded and I left.

Frustrating. Hurtful. Maddening. And not mine to fix or manipulate. What happens with Chasity in the future is in God's control, the judge's wisdom and her mom's whim. So now we wait and see what happens next--and try not to let our foundation be shaken. Uggh!

Gifts

It's been a struggle lately. I'm just going to be honest. We've all be having a hard time. The good thing has been that no two of us have been down at the same time so the others could rally around us but to say it's been hard would be an understatement. Summer brings change in schedule. End of grant cycles bring big job changes (saying goodbye to the past five years of "stability"). Unemployment. Chasity's mom wants more visitation perks without any responsibility. Temper tantrums. Uncertainty. Upheaval. Yuck!

We're attempting to have a schedule. We're attempting to have some routine. We're attempting to have as much certainty as we can in this craziness, and yet, we don't--we just don't. We're attempting to be "a united front". And yet...the reality is...it just stinks.

Today we had a family wedding festivity that we were able to attend--all six of us-- during the wedding Chasity did some things that were inappropriate for a wedding guest including yelling (it sounded loud to us at least), "Hey there's the bride" when it wasn't the bride :) but an older lady in a fancy dress--but the comment caused those around us to look and chuckle. It was apparent that she'd never been to a wedding....and since My Prince was the officiant, I decided to quickly trade seats with another boy and sit next to her to guide her through the ins and outs of wedding attending. She did just fine, but I could tell that boy number 1 was having a hard time with how it was shaking out during the wedding and attention that she was commanding. The wedding was beautiful...and they're married....so it was a success on all accounts. It was at a beautiful place--outdoors--a hot, sunny, slightly breezy and a lot humid--a nearly perfect day!

After the wedding we were standing in line to greet the happy couple and all the kids were standing under a trellis...so I grabbed my camera and told them to cooperate for a photo op. I mentioned when they were being silly that tomorrow was Father's Day and that maybe we might give dad a picture of them for his desk if they were good. Boy #1 got very quiet and said, "Mom, I need to talk to you. It's serious." Everyone else vanished quickly (amazing!) and he said, "Dad is not her dad! This is not her family! You just said that Dad wants a picture of us and she's NOT HIS!". My heart sank. I didn't feel up to this conversation right then (especially lately!) and I didn't know how to react. I just let him vent for a little bit and then I said (praying with each breath), "You know, you are the boy that prayed for this to happen. You are the one that told God that you wanted to help people. You are the one that woke me up at 6:30 a.m. to tell me about starving children in Africa that needed food and we needed only to send 50 cents a day (as seen on TV). You have a special, tender heart for people who need help Brennan. When Hurricane Katrina hit, you were the one who yelled at me, WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HELP THEM? THEY NEED HELP NOW! So, Brennan the way that I see it is that God has put this girl in our lives because we asked-- a severely neglected orphan who had no home and parent to care for her and no hope and He's asking you to make a choice. Do you want to be the one to help? Yeah, it's messy, annoying, frustrating and challenging--or do you want to say no to the opportunity and leave it for someone else...and what if there IS no one else?" He just stared at me with those huge blue eyes. "God is knocking on your door Brennan with a gift for you that you've been asking for...do you want to accept the gift or send it back?" (at this point I'm realizing this is as much about me as it is him, so I'm beginning to cry)

It's a choice. It's like marriage--it's a choice--a covenant with God. Shawn and I promised God that we would do this (be parents to this kid who has none) for as long as He wanted us to and I'll admit that lately it hasn't been "feeling" so much like a gift. It's been a gift that at times I'd like to give up on and return for a refund. He cried and said, that he wanted all those things but he didn't want the reality of her. He didn't want her to be in his face. He didn't want her to invade his space and his family. He didn't want her to be embarrassing. He didn't want to her do things when she should know better. I just listened and cried. He was voicing all the things I'd been thinking this week. Then he said, "Couldn't I just tell God that I'll take the toy (gift) but that I'll keep it on the shelf and not play with it?". :) Sure, you could do that--that's part of the choice--but if you choose to shelf the gift you won't ever know how cool it could be, you won't know what it can do...you'll only know it from afar. Choosing to engage is another level of acceptance. Ouch. I realized then that this week, I'd been still choosing to accept the gift but choosing not to engage because it's painful, uncomfortable, embarrassing, messy and down right nuts some times! And in my dis-engaged-ness, I'd been rejecting the gift. And in that--missing what God has for me. What I'd told Him that I wanted. What I'd prayed for.

He said, "So just tell me, does she ever embarrass you?".

"Yes," I said, "She does but I have to keep reminding myself that that is my choice as well. I'm choosing to be embarrassed by her actions. I don't have to be--but I'm choosing to."

"Oh, alright then. I can do this if I know that sometimes you are embarrassed too. I can do it if I know that it's hard for you. OK, I'll take the gift....(and then with a huge sly grin and those blue eyes dancing) and I might play with it or I might leave it on the shelf to get dusty...but I'll take it."

He grabbed my hand and we walked into dinner--and God reminded me again--

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above."

"Children are a gift, an inheritance, from the Lord."

Lord--thank you for these gifts you've given me--even if they are overwhelming and stretching me in ways I could never have imagined! ALL of them! I accept them. I want them. I want what You have for me. All of it. Teach me, Lord. Gulp.