Decorating the Inside

Yesterday we had an elf deliver 3 lighted trees to our house and set up them...two in the kids' bedrooms and one in the family room. Oh, we have lights outside of our house....We look festive on the outside. Just INSIDE we're missing the festivity and hoopla.
Got me thinking. Then I read this post. Then I cried.
Christmas is different for me this year. Part of it is that I'm not feeling normal, physically. But the main part is that my heart is just different.
I don't want to be over the top. I don't want to spend money on stuff that we don't need. I don't want to spend the energy of being exhausted from running, baking, making--and completely missing it. I don't want to trick my kids into believing that this season is all about them and what THEY want. Something about that feels deceitful, because life is not about what we want. Christ hasn't called us to live life for ourselves, He's called us to give up everything and follow Him where He leads us. Not because it's miserable, but because that's where the freedom and the true joy are. And that's what I want my kids to see. I want them to see the freedom from the stuff of life, to be able to freely give and not worry about what they'll get in return (we get plenty in return, don't we?). I want my heart to be prepared as much as my house is.
Growing up, my mom and aunt would give gifts entitled, "something you never knew you wanted" when they found things they loved but weren't sure the other person would understand, so it required explanation. So they would give the gift along with the explanation of "what I was thinking when I decided to give you this gift". I've always preferred those "SYNYW gifts" over the "I Wants". The explanation is what I wanted. The thought. The story behind the gift.  I'm realizing, God's gift of a baby Jesus was a "SYNYW gift" to us. I don't know if He would've made my want list--cause how can I know I wanted Him and what He offered? But, the explanation and the gift? WOW. Makes me realize how much I wanted it. And how grateful I am he gave it anyway.
I'm decorated on the outside. But on the inside, I'm still preparing.

I'm looking forward to decorating the inside with the family, but I'm not going to stress over what gets done. I am looking forward to thoughtful conversations, snuggle time, reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever!, laying under the tree and looking up at the lights with my kids, and keeping the focus on The King's birthday and what that really means to us and the world. Helping us all get our brains wrapped around the crazy love of it all. "Can you even fathom what He's done for us through this gift?" and some "SYNYW gifts" all around.